Transitions
by Hiruma Musouka
Summary: Change is always hard. Whether it's finding a new Pillar or finding yourself.


**Author's Notes:** For those who wanted something for " **Four Things Come Not Back** ", please see my profile.

This is my first attempt at participating in a holiday fic exchange. It was written for mokonalord on tumblr who asked for Ascot related stuff. Have to admit, that kicked my ass for a long while, but I did it! Not sure quite what I think of it, but I'm mostly pleased. My brain kept trying to divert into Exposition Land here, but upon editing it, it seems like I cut that off better than it had felt like as I was writing it. I'm also happy to discuss the new headcanons or opinions I've formed while rereading the manga and writing this, if someone wants.

This is based off manga canon, not anime, and set between Vol. 3 and 4.

.

.

.

It's really hard to accurately describe the smell of scorched, half-melted marble. Especially when said marble was originally more magic and Will than actual stone.

"Perhaps earth magic should be set aside for now as well," Guru Clef considered, eyeing the damage consideringly as he sipped his tea.

Ascot flinched as another chunk of stone dropped out of the wall with a clatter.

"Wait, wait, wait," Prince Ferio interrupted, edging back inside the doorway. "The kid did that with earth magic? How do you get molten, explosive results with earth magic!"

"Don't call me 'kid'," Ascot muttered, glaring up at the green-haired man before reluctantly looking back towards the wall 10 meters behind the hovering orb which was supposed to have been his target.

He still didn't know why it was so difficult to aim all of these elemental spells. Summoning had never given him these kind of problems! He'd been able to summon his friends almost longer than he could actually remember and the magic always went smoothly and exactly where Ascot wanted it.

…Although maybe he should be a bit more focused on the blowing up part of things and worry about his aim after that.

The prince gave a bit of a grin back at him and nudged his shoulder before looking back towards the Guru. As much as Ascot wasn't really comfortable associating with a lot of people in the castle, he had to admit Ferio was one of the better ones. He was unbiased and clearly unperturbed at Ascot's summons even without any magic of his own. And at least the Prince didn't flinch away or watch him as if Ascot might become a terrifying, child-eating monster.

Though he still didn't really know how Cephiro had acquired a prince when they still didn't have another Pillar yet. He'd have to ask Caldina if she'd heard gossip about it. He still found it hard to be around people even if he was trying to stand up for his friends now instead of getting upset and leaving. Caldina was a much better person to ask about things even if she wasn't a native. She had no problems going around and talking to new people to find things out.

Or she might just ask Lafarga. She seemed really happy for new reasons to track down the Dal. Ascot privately thought it was a bit weird. Being around Lafarga was a bit awkward since he wasn't controlled anymore and Ascot hadn't actually done anything to help while he _was_ being controlled. He hadn't even really noticed or thought about it at the time.

Ascot didn't exactly feel _bad_ about it, but he felt weird about _not_ feeling bad even if Lafarga didn't consider it an issue at all. The blond didn'teven seem to hold it against Caldina, despite the fact she was a traveler and a Charmer who probably recognized the control spell within moments of seeing the man.

He did watch her pretty closely though. So maybe he was still trying to get comfortable with her? The Dal didn't seem to mind her popping up frequently to chat with him so he couldn't be too uncomfortable...

Larfarga _did_ refuse to look straight at her every time Caldina cheerfully offered to dance for him, however, so he was probably still hesitant about her Charming him. And she kept offering to do too. It must bother Caldina that Larfarga didn't like to see her dance even if she was always smiling and really open when she offered. Like, patting him on the arm and doing little twirls and stuff.

...Maybe it would help if Ascot volunteered to watch with Lafarga? So he knew Caldina wouldn't try anything?

Did normal people offer to do that? Maybe he should ask Yaris if he knew... but birds had different social stuff anyway...

He should probably ask an actual person. Not that Ascot had a great track record with people, but he needed to get better with them for his friends and himself... He'd ask Pharle Presea. She seemed nice enough when they were introduced and she'd probably know how to help Dal Lafarga. It couldn't be healthy for a guy to turn pink with discomfort that much and Caldina seemed to like him too much to notice.

"It's actually a fairly common result," the Master Mage responded, catching Ascot's guiltily wandering attention as the Guru gestured towards the wall which glowed lightly and then slowly oozed back together into its original state. "Novice practitioners trying to learn a separate field from their core magic tend to have some difficulties with the initial transition. Even advanced magic users have issues if the magic is different enough from what they're accustomed to. It's one of the reasons that Cephiro's policy has always been to have stronger students apprenticed to an experienced mage rather than simply continuing the normal classes or pursuing independent study. The healers in particular are very stringent about ensuring that any students with previous experience in magic are supervised for months before they're allowed to practice on living patients."

"So blowing things up is common," the Prince summarized with a raised eyebrow.

Guru Clef paused, "admittedly, earth does tend to be one of the steadier flows of magic which typically fails rather than combusting," he admitted.

Ascot slumped. "I just don't understand what's wrong," he said, blinking rapidly as he twisted his sleeve in his fingers. "Summoning just _works_. I've had it so long I don't even remember learning it really."

Blue-eyes looked at him steadily for a minute before the older mage smiled kindly and summoned three seats along with another teacup for the floating tea tray next to him. "Most likely that's part of the complication here, Ascot," he said, refilling his own cup and preparing one for Ferio and Ascot, "no matter how determined you are, you're still very young. And if you don't recall being taught, that means that summoning is likely instinctual magic that you awakened yourself rather than having been gifted with it. Instinctual magic learned from the heart is often more natural and easier to use than taught magic, but until a mage is fully settled in their magic, they often find that standardized spells backlash or misfire on them. Especially if the spell frame isn't included in their natural category of magic."

"That explains a few of my sister's childhood stories," the prince commented quietly, idly paging through the small stack of papers he'd brought with him.

"Princess Emeraude was one of the more interesting students I've ever taught, just from a magical perspective," Guru Clef said with a bare hint of a laugh before it faded back into a sad smile. "Her mistakes were never destructive surprisingly, but they were certainly strange in new and interesting ways."

"You really _did_ teach the Pillar?" Ascot piped up, glancing between Prince Ferio and the Guru in surprise. "I thought that was just people lying again or something. Does that mean the rumor you're as old as d-."

Ascot cut himself off abruptly, but still a bit too late as lavender eyebrows raised up and the green-haired man next to him laughed briefly before starting to grin.

"I'm only 745," the mage said wryly, "so I'm afriad I'll have to disappoint you when it comes to that rumor."

"Er, yeah, um... yeah," Ascot coughed, turning steadily red under his thick hair as he determinately studied his tea cup.

"Those rumors about you 'charming ravaging man-eaters into your service through persuasion and magic' are pretty unfounded, aren't they Ascot?" Prince Ferio said, still grinning slightly as he watched the younger boy slump back into the cushioned chair.

"Are those really the rumors from the Residential District?" Guru Clef asked, eyes narrowed a bit.

"It's pretty much word for word what I overheard in the background last time I walked through to talk to people," he confirmed, shrugged an armor-clad shoulder. "It sounded mostly ridiculous but there was one man that was spreading some less... flattering ideas around. Or at least he was until one of the newly arrived hedgemages openly snapped at him in public about being an uneducated buffoon and knowing less than an newborn about Palu before proceeding with a full and vocabulary-rich dressing down that lasted over half an hour. I'm certain I have never heard so much about the differences between a Palu summoning and a normal summoning before that and presumably neither had anyone else. Certainly no one there wanted to be associated with the man's ideas after the woman got done haranguing him."

The Master Mage _smirked_ at that before shaking his head in what looked like fond exasperation. "It's good to know that Audi arrived here safely. And it doesn't sound like she's changed a bit in the last few years."

"She's another student of yours, Guru Clef?" Ferio asked, green eyes interested. "She came in with the last batch of people, but she only mentioned graduating from the Castle's mage course when she signed in with the archivists."

The Guru shook his head, headpiece swaying gently near his face. "She wasn't a personal student, but she was in one of my classes. She's quite memorable. One of the only students I have ever met who decided that attack spells were _tedious_ and _boring_ before heading straight to hedge magic. Apparently potions were a far better use of her time even as a child. It baffled most of her classmates completely."

"... boring?" Ferio asked, leaning back. "Huh... imagine that."

"Does..." Ascot hesitated, chest tight and heart beating a bit faster, "does she know a Palu or something? I've never met another besides me."

A nod of purple hair and Ascot couldn't help how he started fidgeting. "Her match is one if he survived."

"Oh, he survived," the prince confirmed. "He's got a horrible sense of humor, an unreal sense of unflappability, and the most besotted look I've ever seen from someone listening to a woman verbally gut someone. Speaking of him though..."

Ferio took a moment to flip through the sheets of paper he'd brought. Some were earmarked with colors or folded corners and a few were the shifting mass of shimmering color which marked confidential documents. It was actually pretty cool to look at, Ascot thought, distracted for a moment as he watched. He'd heard of confidentiality spells before, but there wasn't any call for the official version in Cephiro outside the palace, the judges and the archives. And the personal version was different because it depended on the magic of who cast it apparently.

Maybe he could learn about that as well once he got the hang of other spells...

"Here," the prince offered, handing Guru Clef the reordered stack of papers, "this is the updated version of the census that the Head Archivist compiled once the last group of citizens came in. Unless there's someone left outside who's actually managing to survive the land's upheaval, this is the full list of all the people of Cephiro. The paper on top is apparently the basic compilation she composed of those citizens with formal magic training, their titles or estimated skill level, and what affinity or focus they have."

The Guru set his cup down on the floating tray that shifted towards his left side and took the papers with both hands. With his staff resting against his right shoulder and the smile fading from his face as he reviewed the papers, he was somehow more imposing than he was just moments before. It was a strange thought really given the man wasn't actually much taller than Ascot himself and barely appeared older, but his behavior and presence didn't fit his apparent youth. Ascot was pretty used to the habit he'd picked up around Lord Zagato of viewing the Guru he'd never met as an annoying roadblock, but he had to admit that if the majority of Guru Clef's magic and Will wasn't bound up in the castle right now and pretty hard to detect... well, he'd probably have thought twice about asking to learn magic from him.

It was a little scary to ask someone for help after you'd spent months helping the occasional attack against him.

Actually apologies were scary in general. Scary and _hard_ , Ascot was finding. He knew he had needed to do it. He really had learned from Umi and the other Magic Knights, after all, and he had to act better if he wanted to stick up for his friends, but it was still really difficult. Even if Guru Clef did seem a lot nicer under all the imposingness than Ascot had expected from someone who had taught Alcyone and Lord Zagato.

"There are a lot more there than I had feared," Prince Ferio commented into the quiet. "Some of the elemental affinities seem harder hit than others, but they're not all equally common either, right?"

"No, they're not," the Guru agreed, voice quiet and eyes dark, "but the numbers aren't what you think either. Archivists don't record statistics the same way I would because most don't use magic outside a few convenient spells they trigger through channelers. The higher power ranks of _everything_ outside Palu have been effectively gutted and the mid-ranks with fighting tendencies are the same. A lot of lower levels probably passed just trying to keep up with the monster increase when those who usually handled it died and the only reason so many summoners lived is because they likely ran ragged trying to mitigate the monsters that would normally be killed. If it wasn't for the fact most of the remaining high level mages had responsibilities like apprentices or towns to look after, we probably wouldn't have any of them left at all."

And then his voice went very soft and he ran a hand slowly down the paper. "Many of the mages don't come from the same places. Those towns who had more than one strong mage... almost all of them lost the stronger of the mages who lived there."

Ascot frowned for a moment, trying to figure it out but, "The stronger ones went to the castle," Prince Ferio said slowly, left hand tightening on the chair, "to figure out what was happening while the others remained behind because of the increase in monsters and disasters."

"...oh," Ascot whispered softly, staring at his hands and feeling his stomach drop.

He remembered that. Lord Zagato had never asked him to really attack anyone directly before Alcyone failed to take care of the Knights, but he'd had Ascot guard the castle. Not the _actual_ Water Dungeon they'd stayed in most of the time, but the land-bound Pillar's castle which was connected to it. The one people had known the location of and had come to investigate.

Except that Ascot _hadn't_ been set to guard all of it. Just... everything away from the main entrance. Because Lord Zagato let people come through that entrance if they were determined enough to get past the deterring magic.

Lord Zagato had met them after that.

"Do we have enough people left to create the shield you were talking about?" Ferio asked. "The Archivist said she hasn't had the chance to start cross-referencing anything or checking against last year's census to create an accurate death list, so we could have more people who aren't officially listed as magic users. Lafarga is also trying to track down those who've worked with the guard and have experience using Will without magic, and Caldina said she could try adding her Chizetan magic if it would help."

"We will make it work," the Guru assured seriously, straight and confident. "Presea said the Pharles were mostly untouched and there are several Earth mages here. We won't want to combine the shield with the castle itself, but if we create a crystal base at the castle's foundation and ground the shield there, it will require less energy and focus to maintain while being more reactionary to changes in Cephiro's land. Ascot," he said, looking at the younger mage.

"Y-yes?" the red-head replied, absently tugging at his hat.

"Do you know what happened to Alcyone?" the Guru questioned, making Ferio blink and Ascot jerk back slightly. "Ice crystals cast properly would be just as helpful for grounding the shield as earth-made ones, and Alcyone is the only Ice mage with prior experience casting that spell. Lafarga hardly recalls anything after the control spell was cast on him, but if all three of you survived Zagato's death..."

He seemed hopeful slightly which was the worst thing, Ascot thought, really wishing he was somewhere else right now. Alcyone's last sighting was with the Knights outside Eterna, but the girls weren't very experienced then and they had been both nice and forgiving towards himself, Caldina, _and_ Lafarga who'd apparently done the most damage.

It would have been dumb to think they killed Alcyone, and with her working for Lord Zagato, she wouldn't have walked unsuspecting to her death against him at the castle like other mages had.

Except...

"She... vanished," Ascot tried explaining, at a little bit of a loss. It... hadn't really bothered him much before because... well, she _had_ just vanished. Lord Zagato had told her to disappear and she was just gone. Ascot hadn't thought much of it because if anyone could get a notoriously fickle spell like teleportation to cooperate, it was going to be the Sol, right? And Alcyone really was an annoying old witch who was out of her head and blind for fawning over some guy, even if it was Lord Zagato, when he clearly wasn't paying her any attention. It was really pathetic. But... Ascot had also sorta expected her to turn up again eventually like a persistent rock in your shoe.

"Vanished?" Ferio questioned, crossing his arms with a tilt to his head while Guru Clef stilled, eyes narrowing imperceptibly in thought. "Alcyone is that black haired ice mage that Fuu and the others got into it with once we left the Forest of Silence, right? Pretty, long hair, scanty outfit with a staff? She didn't really strike me as someone who gave up easily. Seemed a bit personally invested in fighting the girls for Zagato, to be honest."

"No, well, I mean yes," Ascot corrected, flexing his right hand in and out of a fist. "She was definitely determined because she kept saying she loved Lord Zagato, but that's not what I meant. Lord Zagato told her to vanish and she did."

Prince Fero frowned a bit, finger idly tapping an arm. "So wait. She loved him? Makes sense of her behavior I guess, but I would think that would make it less likely she'd actually leave even if he told her to."

"He didn't tell her to leave," Ascot tried correcting. "He told her to... Guru Clef?"

The mage had shifted: papers gripped tight enough to crumble in his left hand with his staff clenched tightly in his right, head bowed forward and resting lightly on his staff, eyes closed and lips pressed together.

"Guru Clef?" Ferio asked, starting to rise from his seat.

"Zagato told Alcyone to "vanish". That was what he said exactly?" he asked quietly, still not looking towards either of them.

"...yes?" Ascot answered, hesitating before rushing forward. "It looked sorta like mist swirling or spells dispersing or something and it seemed a bit painful which is supposed to be common even in... in working transportation spells..." he trailed off, glancing between the still mage and the prince who was also considering them both, frown slowly growing.

Guru Clef sighed deeply, eyes opening, dark and sad, as he carefully set the bent papers on the tray to the right of the tea pot. "That wasn't a teleportation spell, Ascot."

There was an unpleasant and deep silence for a long moment before Prince Ferio took a breath and bit the belt. "Exactly what was it then?"

Guru Clef looked at Ferio very seriously, forehead creased and eyes pained. "It was precisely as Ascot said. Zagato told her to vanish, and used his will to make it so."

... Ascot was going to be sick.

"It... that..." Ferio stopped.

"In Cephiro, Will is everything," Clef reminded solemnly, looking away at last.

"...She was a mage as well," Ferio whispered, face slightly white, sinking back in his chair. "She seemed strong too. You can't just-... _people_ can't just _say_ something like that and have it happen to other people."

"Yes, you can," he countered gently, still seeming very sad, "if there's a strong enough power difference... if the person _wants_ it enoug-" he stopped there, like something had stuck in his throat before coughing.

"It's... the principal is the same as simply _willing_ a monster to be struck down in a fight where you're outnumbered. There are numerous historical records of mages being able to accomplish that when they're desperate enough but no Guru has ever brought it to attention or encouraged people to try doing so. It's not a large mental leap to assume it would work against people and the idea is... No citizen would react well to hearing of it, and no one who might be willing to do so should be made aware that it's possible," Guru Clef said firmly.

"I don't feel well," Ascot interrupted weakly, stomach churning at the conversation.

Ferio reached over silently and squeezed his shoulder comfortingly while Guru Clef gave a faint attempt at a smile. "Why don't we try learning more magic tomorrow, Ascot? We'll work in the afternoon before I start gathering people to form the shield after dinner. We might be unable to regift you with a second magic until you're older, but I can personally guide your magic through mimicking a basic lightning spell that's easy for non-aligned magic to perform. Even if it won't be actual lightning magic, the results will be indistinguishable so it will serve you well."

"Not to mention that if it blows up, that's the end goal of a lightning spell anyway," Ferio added lightly with a try at a smile.

"Thanks," Ascot muttered, actually feeling better if annoyed.

Ascot shifted forward in the chair which automatically lowered down in a nifty bit of pre-set spellwork to let him hop out easily. He waffled a bit before bowing to Guru Clef awkwardly, earning a small but real smile and a casual gesture to some of the magic books stacked neatly for him on the table near the door. He hesitated right before picking up the books though and bit his lip slightly before turning around again.

"Um, Guru Clef?"

"Yes?"

"There was one other thing I really wanted to know that I forgot to ask about... did, um,..." he shifted on his feet before setting his shoulders. "How does a Cephiran control their age?"

A purple eyebrow shot up while Ferio actually snorted in surprise, breaking the last of the sober mood. _He's probably_ , Ascot thought, firmly staring at the corner instead of at either man as he remembered, _thinking about that stupid comment from earlier about Clef being as old as dirt_.

"I wanted to get _older_ ," Ascot countered to thin air.

"Well, _that's_ not the way that usually goes," Ferio commented, actually grinning slightly now as Ascot gave in and looked at him.

"It's not the wisest idea, Ascot," Guru Clef said, shaking his head slightly. "Physical age isn't strictly connected with magical development or emotional and mental maturity, so increasing your apparent age won't actually assist you in learning different magics than you can right now."

"That's not what I meant," _though that's too bad_ , Ascot thought.

"I wanted... I want to learn new magics because I want to be able to protect myself and things important to me instead of just relying on my friends and maybe getting them hurt. I want to be better than I am now, but I also want people to treat my _friends_ better and they keep ignoring me because they think I'm just a kid. They think I don't know what I'm saying because I'm young even when they don't know anything about magic at all! I just..." Ascot trailed off, frustrated that he couldn't explain just why he didn't want to be a kid anymore.

That was most of it, all right, but it wasn't everything. Umi had inspired him to act better, to look after his friends like a _good_ friend should instead of not realizing he was treating them badly, and not letting other people treat them badly either. And his friends deserved that! They did! They were the best and they cared about him and none of them ever treated him bad like other people used to even if they couldn't talk to him like normal people spoke. And sometimes Ascot could almost hear _words_ from them instead of just feelings and images and sensations, and he wanted to get more skilled so they could do that all the time! But practice was slow or maybe he was doing something wrong and there might be advanced Palu books somewhere in the castle but the archivists 'certainly didn't have time for children right now'...

Sometimes Ascot really wanted to know why people insisted they were better than summons when none of _them_ wanted to listen to him. The Knights just looked like young teenagers but people took them seriously. People didn't make sense sometimes!

"If you want it that much," Guru Clef said slowly, looking at Ascot thoughtfully, and he must have seen something because he continued with actual advice. "Aging forward isn't as simple or natural as slowing or stopping or even regressing your age. The first two tend to occur automatically for those with strong magic or even just strong wills so it's easy to learn to do it intentionally. And regressing your age is simple enough because you're returning your body to a point that it's already experienced. Your body knows what youth was like so it's like walking backwards to your magic: a little tricky but doable. It's a similar premise to healing wounds. Going _forward_ in age..."

Clef paused before walking towards where Ascot was standing. A small flash of his ring and Clef had written a book title and a short note on the paper he had summoned.

"Going forward to an age you've never been before is difficult because it's not something your body or magic knows yet. It's possible because it's what you're meant to eventually reach, but... You need to think carefully about why you're doing this Ascot. Consider why and _who_ you're doing this for. Are you doing it for your friends? Are you doing it because of what you want others to think? Or are you doing it for yourself?"

"Magic like this," he continued, gesturing with the note before offering it to Ascot, "accomplishments like this, they can only be completed successfully if people have the will to do so. You have to believe, not just that you want it, but in yourself and know yourself and know that you're doing it because it's _your_ desire to have this happen rather than because you're considering potential repercussions."

"If the archivists managed to find someone who saved that book and they've actually dug it out of whatever storage gems everything's packed in right now, I recommend reading it to learn how to shift your body with magic. It'll give you a good background framework to think about. But Ascot," Clef said, lightly reaching out to lay a hand on Ascot's upper arm.

"If you try this, _do it in the Healer's Wing_. Healer Fiat will track you down and make you undergo the most uncomfortable and thorough physical you've never considered if he finds out about this after the fact."

.

* * *

.

"What do you think of this, Vigor?"

Ascot ran a finger down the yellowed page, a faint ripple effect following his touch as the preservation spells did their job to keep out skin oils, humidity and the grass the book was laying on. Vigor poked his small head through the gap between Ascot's leg and arm to look at the book resting between the boy's legs and then turned his cute, large eyes on Ascot's face.

 ***chiiip*** Vigor sounded, cocking his right ear down and scrunching up his nose. Ascot gave him an exasperated look.

"Of course, it smells bad! It's a book, not food! You know what I meant. Don't act like a cat," he said, scrunching his own nose up at Vigor when he play-gnawed on Ascot's arm for the insult.

The boy flopped back on the ground, head cushioned by his hat as he stared up at the fake sunlight coming from the garden's ceiling. Guru Clef definitely wasn't exaggerating when he implied that this aging stuff was hard work. He thought Vigor might be able to give some good advice since the summon could shift his shape between massive and tiny with ease, but the two things didn't really seem related. The bodies of Ascot's summons were closer to a human Cephiran's than a pet or a spirit summons were, but they were still a lot more malleable that Ascot himself was.

Vigor couldn't even really explain what he was doing besides of feeling of **wanting** and **stretching** or **curling** into a space that was waiting for him. And even if the red-head could make sense of that himself, he didn't want to stretch taller. He wanted to BE older. He didn't want to be treated like a kid anymore.

"Grrr," he growled out, sort of flailing around in place a little before thumping his arms and legs back down into the dirt, sulkily picking at the grass. He could hear Vigor mewl indignantly and whap his leg with a paw before plopping himself onto Ascot's chest to stare at him.

"I don't even get why Guru Clef stays like that," he complained aloud, burying his fingers in warm fur with one hand and worrying grass into pieces with the others. "It seems unfair that I can't figure this out at all and he _could_ do it but he _doesn't_ an- OW! Hey!"

He snatched his hand back from Vigor and rubbed at his chin where the jerk had firmly snapped at him. Vigor had his ears thrown back and his tails stiff and straight with his fur ruffled.

Ascot slumped. "I know. It shouldn't matter because it's not about being fair. What choices other people make for themselves about themselves doesn't have to do with 'fair'. That's me being jealous. Just... I don't get it, Vigor. Why would someone choose to be small when they could be big?"

Vigor slapped his tail onto Ascot's stomach and placed a paw over Ascot's eye.

"What aren't I seeing? Size matters to- well, of course it doesn't matter to me if you change between big and small because you're still you..." Ascot frowned, thinking about that. "Huh... That's- that's it isn't it? Guru Clef doesn't care about being small and other people don't care if he looks young because the Guru is still the Guru no matter what he looks like. Just like you're still you whether you're tiny or huge. So... people don't think of him as a kid... because he acts like himself all the time and he's not a kid inside..."

Ascot sat up, cuddling Vigor to myself in one arm and ignoring how his hat fell off behind him. He scrunched his fingers through Vigor's fur, picking out the occasional knot and kind of stared through the book in front of him.

"I want..." he stopped, trying to figure out what he was thinking, "I want to be someone Umi'd be proud of even though we won't see her again. I want... I want to take care of you guys the same way you take care of me, and I want to take care of myself. I don't want to get my friends hurt, and I don't want other people to hurt my friends. I want them to listen to me but... not because I'm big. I want them to listen to me because I'm someone worth listening to...?"

He looked down at Vigor who gave an encouraging purr and rubbed his nose into the dip between Ascot's neck and chin. The boy settled, nodding firmly and straightening up.

"I won't become older for other people," he said, finally feeling like he _got it_. "Because other people maybe don't care if I am I or if I'm not. Being older won't change _them_. So... I want to be older to remind myself. It's a promise TO myself that I'll be better than I am now because I'm not like I used to be anymore. So if I show that, I can remember that when it gets hard. I can remember that I'm already different than I was."

Ascot scrambled up, grabbing the book and his hat, and grinned at Vigor despite the nervous excitment building in his chest and stomach. "I'm going to be a good person that all of you can be proud of, Vigor. I'll be a better friend to all of you, just like Umi and the girls were the best of friends."

"Let's do this."


End file.
